I shared my testimony in English during the Sunday meeting time at Grace Ambassadors. Thanks to the brother who manages the audio booth for recording it for me. It is a good statement of faith for my blog. 我在周日教会聚会时，分享了我的见证。感谢操作录音的弟兄帮我录了下来，让这份音频可以作为我博客的一份信仰宣告。因为听众是说英语的，所以我使用英语完成的见证。

Below is the original text 以下为原文：

I am naturally fluent in 2 languages: Chinese and Chinglish. Chinglish is a delightful blend of Chinese and English. To keep my Chinglish under control, I type out my testimony and checked the grammar with AI. Once I’m done, you can tell me if AI did a good job or not.

I met my husband through a Christian dating website when I was 20. Our first conversation began with the usual exchanges—occupations, locations—but quickly turned to a deeper topic: salvation. My husband asked me how I got saved. I told him that I was touched by God. I didn’t mention my sin, Christ, or the cross. It was all about my personal feelings and my service toward God, like attending church regularly.

If you know how people can be saved, you should be able to discern that I was an unsaved Christian; just like most Christians in churches today.

If you know my husband, you should know that my answer was a red flag to him.

So he responded with Romans 5:8.

“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” —Romans 5:8

That verse hit me deeply. For the first time, I connected Christ’s death to my sin. I had read Matthew/Mark/Luke/John(MMLJ) and knew the story of Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection. Yet, I had also read Jesus’s teachings on obeying the law and doing good deeds, leading me to believe His payment on the cross was conditional.  I thought Christ died only for those who earned it.

With this misconception, I got baptized; attended Bible studies, and gave tithes. However, I didn’t gain any confidence to face God’s judgment. Because I knew I hadn’t reached the standards Jesus taught in MMLJ.

Jesus said “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind”, shamedly, I often loved myself more.

Jesus said, “Go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor”. Seriously?! Do I have to?

Jesus said “O ye of little faith? And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind”. I was definitely of little faith.

MMLJ scared me to death. They didn’t give me clarity on salvation, but the conclusion that I am so sinful compared to my lord’s standards.

I am not saying there’s no benefit to reading MMLJ. Those books showed me how filthy I was. Without understanding the sin in me, I might reject Christ’s payment and proudly think I can pay my sin on my own. Not to mention that I was raised in an Atheists family and attended public schools for 16 years in China, which taught there was no God and you were your own God; you can achieve anything by your own hands; you are worthy, you deserve things and you should love yourself the way you are. I thank God for his words in MMLJ acted like a mirror, that reflected how filthy I was, and enlightened me on how the teachings from the world only produce proud, selfish, self-righteous, narrow-minded, ignorant people.

When my husband quoted Romans 5:8 to me, he explained that Christ’s death payment on the cross was not conditional based on whether I performed good works. His love for me was unconditional. 

He died for me not when I loved him, not when I read his words, or not when I attended church service… but when I was the worst. Like the verse said he died for sinners.

My husband’s short response clicked the light bulb in my head. My struggle to do good in this sinful flesh was real, but God’s solution was more than what I could ask. I was on my route to hell because of my sin, but my righteous Lord who is the image of God took over my punishment by dying on the cross, so I am free from death now.

Am I worthy of him doing this? No, there is no goodness in me.

Did I do anything to earn his favor? No. I failed at his standards.

So by what criteria can I get this salvation? By Faith. Simply by trusting his payment on the cross is enough to cover my sin. Simply by trusting how he was able to raise himself from death, he is also able to raise me from death.

“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of your­selves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.” —Ephesians 2:8-9

I am not a person of little faith now. Instead, I have solid faith in Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection.

Understanding how a sinful man can be sanctified by Christ’s works on the cross immediately cleared my confusion triggered by the underground Calvinist church I attended at that time. I was troubled by the doctrine of predestination. especially since my atheist parents were seemingly “not chosen”, and I can’t do anything about it.

Besides questioning Calvinism, I started to question water baptism, and the teaching of faith without works is dead. I sought answers from both my husband who was my boyfriend at that time, and the Bible study leaders.

They responded differently. I realized that either my boyfriend was wrong or that 150 people who attended this underground church were wrong. Either one was a sad reality to me. On one side, I liked my boyfriend and I didn’t want him to be wrong; on the other side, I had friends and mentors in the church, and I didn’t want them to be wrong either. Think about this: I was exposed to Christianity when I was 16, and I didn’t find any church until I was 20. I treasured this group in my youth. That’s why even though it’s underground, I still took the risk to go. Not like most college students who would join sports or hobby clubs, I gave my extra time to this underground group. With all the sentimental attachments, it was hard for me to make a judgment that this group had the wrong doctrine.

Then the young me made a decision which was to check with the Bible and see whose answers would line up with God’s words. Now I look back at this decision, I have no regret. Because Romans 3:4 says, “Let God be true, but every man a liar.” I didn’t put my boyfriend or my former pastors as the authority, and I should not put any men as my authority for the rest of my life either.

With the mindset that using the Bible as the authority to judge right from wrong, soon I noticed my husband did use the Bible to answer my questions. Not only quoting scriptures but also looking into the context. For example, when I was trying to figure out the contradiction between Romans 4 and James 2, which talks about faith without works or faith with works; since both books used Abraham as an example, we opened the book of Genesis to study how God gave promises to Abraham without any condition which was the reference Paul used, and then God gave Abraham promises with the condition of circumcision which was the reference James used.

Meanwhile, I also noticed the leader from the underground church responded to my questions with the saying, “God works in mysterious ways.” This response is not helping.

I started to get the idea that we should read all the scriptures, but not every scripture describes today’s Church. A big part of the Bible describes the Jews. With this understanding, I understood why I struggled with applying MMLJ to myself. The Bible started to make sense to me. Then I found a dispensational chart made by Adobe Flash on Grace Ambassadors website. (Because it’s made of old technology, it’s not on the website anymore.) There were cartoon figures of Adam, Noah, Abraham, David, John the Baptist, Jesus, Peter, and Paul on this chart. When I clicked each figure, a short paragraph would pop out and explain what God’s instruction was toward those people. This chart might only take you 5 minutes to read, but it took me 2 days. My English was not fluent at that time, so I had to get a dictionary to study it. That was my first dispensational Bible study.

After I went through the whole chart, I was astonished to see how God had two purposes since the beginning, one for heaven and one for the earth. It triggered more questions in my head. Those questions eventually led me to Dispensationalism. Please note that I didn’t say Mid-Acts Pauline Dispensationalism, because I learned that later. Also, they led me to leave the underground church.

I do regret how I left my former church. I chose not to confront anyone that I had changed my belief. For a while, I still went to the church and listened to the sermons, until one day I realized that my silent presence among the audience falsely made people think that I supported their teachings. It’s time to stop this false impression.

I disappeared from the Sunday service after I graduated college and didn’t tell the leaders why I didn’t attend. They might think I didn’t come because it took me 2 hours of bus riding, and it used to only take me 1 hour when I lived on campus. The commute was tough, but the real reason was I didn’t feel genuine sitting through the sermons. I regret that I didn’t communicate to the leaders or friends there why I stopped. It would be a great opportunity to share the sound doctrine. I was immature and didn’t know what it is like to “speak truth in love”(Eph 4:15） I thought being loving was to hide the truth that might hurt feelings, but later I learned that my mind was deceiving. Charity rejoices in the truth(1 Cor 13:6).

At 24, I came to the USA and joined Grace Ambassadors. My understanding of Scripture quickly expanded because of this in-person ministry. I don’t think I can learn that much or that quickly if I only do Bible study at home or online. I learned why we divide the scriptures in the middle chapters of Acts, instead of Acts 2 or Acts 28. (There’s a reason why we call us Mid-Acts.) I learned the stand for King James Bible and the doctrine of God’s preservation. I am fascinated by the doctrine of God’s preservation, just as much as learning rightly dividing prophecy and mystery.

Also, my view about ministry was deepened over the past 13 years with Grace Ambassadors. In the beginning, my mindset was to support my husband; gradually I changed my mind to support the sound doctrine ministry, which means if my husband can’t teach one day and someone else takes over, as long as he teaches sound doctrine, I will support it.

I have thanked God many times for giving us ministry to do. I have gained a lot of spiritual understanding from it.

Without ministry, I would not understand the weight of 1 Corinthians 16:13 Stand fast in the faith.

Without ministry, I would not understand the importance of 1 Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.

Without ministry, I would not realize how true 1 Corinthians 15:22 is: Evil communications corrupt good manners.

Without ministry, I would not make connections between people’s suffering with 1 Thessalonians 2:13 The word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe. In other words, God’s words won’t work if you don’t believe.

Without ministry, I would not have the vivid picture of Ephesians 4:13 We all come in the unity of the faith.

Without ministry, I would not see the deep wisdom behind those verses. It opened my eyes to see: Wow, God really meant what he said. Doing ministry makes me trust God’s words more, and studying God’s words rightly divided makes me rejoice in ministry. This ministry toned my grace muscle and strengthened me to deal with sin instead of running away from it.

Toward the end of my time here, I want to share with you a ministry I have been doing from time to time. I have an online blog called ddbible.com, where I create bilingual resources for Mid-Acts Pauline Right Division.

I started this blog in 2018, motivated by a burden for my unsaved families and friends in China. Since I couldn’t be physically present with them, writing became my way of reaching out. At the beginning, I focused on writing basic gospel articles tailored to their understanding. But soon I bumped into the same situation Paul faced. Just as his brethren rejected his message while Gentiles embraced it, I found that those closest to me showed little interest in the doctrine. Meanwhile, strangers from around the world began reaching out, asking for more Chinese dispensational resources. Their enthusiasm encouraged me to keep going.

You see, Chinese Christianity is still several hundred years behind Western Christianity. What is popular there right now is Calvinism, Lutheranism, and reformed theology. For Chinese searching for dispensational materials, the available resources are typically the seven dispensations described by C.I. Scofield, which differ from how we understand and teach dispensations here.

Also, the doctrine of God’s preservation is a new concept for Chinese Christians. Someone from China emailed us and said he read this doctrine first time ever from Grace Ambassadors website. And it was fascinating to him.

That moment reminded me how privileged I am to have access to ministries like this and their resources, and it firmed my mind to translate or create more Chinese materials for Mid-Acts doctrine and God’s preservation.

Writing these blogs has opened my eyes to the specific needs of believers. As a woman, I naturally show more interest in scriptures that talk about marriage, relationships, parenting, or love; and so are the sermons related to those topics; but men’s brain is wired differently. From my observations—mainly by watching my husband respond to questions—men are often more interested in issues like the remnant of Israel, the New Covenant, or the King James Bible.

This realization shaped the way I write. My goal is to reach to both genders, knowing today’s church needs more faithful men. So I have consciously talk less about my womanly feelings and focus on the doctrine. And it’s working. The stats behind my website reveal me that 69% of my audience is male.

If you are doing ministry to a gender differs than you, maybe this can be a tip for you. But first of all, share the gospel.

So this is my testimony about how I was saved, how I came to Mid-Acts Pauline Right Division, how God’s word affect my life, how I grow and how I participate in ministry for the Lord. I hope my testimony is edifying. Thank you for listening.